We first heard about the sketch group The Whitest Kids U’Know when that “Hitler Rap” was splattered all over YouTube (remember? “H-I-T-L-E-R / Drivin’ down the street in a fancy car”?). They’re five guys (Trevor, Sam, Zach, Darren, and Timmy) living in New York who are all hot (I’m into funny guys) and do the stupidest sketches since Mr. Show had a hangover at work.
At the other end of the gender spectrum, we have Variety SHAC. Four New York chicks whose names (Shonali, Heather, Andrea and Chelsea) combine to make their eponymous acronym. I’ll give you another acronym: WTF? It stands for What The Fuck are you thinking by not being totally obsessed with SHAC? Besides being hot and funny, they’re also wise beyond their years. This means you should put them on a pedestal immediately and secretly pray they offer you their poo in a handbag.
In a perfect world, all the members of the Whitest Kids would impregnate all the SHAC girls. They’d have the funniest, best looking babies who would grow up and change the world with their rapier-sharp wit and defined cheekbones. Alas, the world is flawed, and so we must appease our desires by getting them all to hang out in a dingy living room in Brooklyn. What did we do? Get wasted? No. Debate politics? Nay. Play MASH? Bingo! “BINGO” as in, “You guessed right” not “we played BINGO.” We didn’t play Bingo. Nobody without an immediate expiration date should be playing Bingo.
Which brings us to our third acronym: MASH stands for Mansion, Apartment, Shack, or House. It’s the game you play when you’re eleven-years-old and you wanna know your future. Turns out, you can play it at any age because you always need to know your future (except for the day before you die).
MASH is easy to play. All you need is paper, a pen, and one other person. It’s pretty much just a two-person game but we flipped the script by playing group MASH. It’s the same as regular MASH but instead of writing down the name of a guy you’d marry, you pluralize it and make it a group of guys, like the cast of Entourage instead of just Johnny Drama. Swoon.

Highlights
Andrea: For boys, we definitely have to put Menudo.
Chelsea: Wait, Menudo as in NOW?
After everyone blew each other’s minds with their MASH boards, hilarity and dare I say flirting ensued with a short round of Dealbreakers. It’s another game you already know and it sounds like this:
Sam: You’ve been dating a guy for a few months and you feel like you’re really falling in love. Then, you find out he has two dicks. Dealbreaker?
Andrea: More like dealmaker!
Chelsea: Not for me. Too much work.
Andrea: Yeah, one in the butt and one in the puss? Not for me either. Wait, I changed my mind. It is for me.
Chelsea: How about you’re dating someone you really like, and the only way they can come is if you lick their asshole.
Zach: Dealbreaker!
Chelsea: Wow… suddenly the room got really quiet.
Sam: This is just an easy way to ask us if we eat ass, but how about you’re dating someone and it takes them like, 20 minutes to come every time.
Andrea: Um… that’s like, life.
Sam: How about if you find out your crush has zero body hair? She wears a wig and even a pube wig.
Zach: NOT a dealbreaker.

New York comedy is at some magical new epoch right now, the likes of which we haven’t seen since John Belushi was passed out on Avenue A and let cars run over him. So thank you, Whitest Kids and SHAC girls, for trying to keep that spirit alive! The Whitest Kids U’ Know have a show on IFC. The  3rd season premieres in early 2009. The Variety SHAC appears monthly in New York City with stand up, music, and videos. You can check out the goods at varietyshac.com. Sketch comedy or porn? I know my answer.