Dear Barf,

Do all balls smell the same, or do I not have enough up close and personal encounters with balls to make a sound judgment? Cuz I’ve been with five pairs of balls and they all have that same ball smell. Some stronger and more pungent than others, but it’s the same smell. That musky weird odor with a hint of the acrid. Swampy, but not sweaty or BO-like. Not terrible, but not exactly pleasant. Very primitive smelling. I bet this scent has been attached to balls since the dawn of man. I feel like if this smell were bottled and put in a mystery jar and I had to guess the scent, I would immediately recognize it as balls.

Sincerely,

Christina

Dear Christina,

I never thought about it but since you asked, I think all balls DO smell the same! Sure they vary depending on the shower factor but ultimately there is something that is very distinct about ball-smell. And this just in: I LIKE IT. Balls smell like vulnerability. They smell like the action of smelling someone’s balls: awkward! It’s not the sexiest of scents but it’s more like… cute? Like “Aww, your balls. I’ll be gentle.” If the penis symbolizes everything that’s wrong with the world today, the balls symbolize the fact that there might be a solution. I like to think of the balls as the penis’ Achilles heel.

Love,

Lesley